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A new terror infiltrating the minds of our innocent children. Just last week I was exposed to this horrible menace while shopping at the Mall of Olympus. Perhaps you, too, have seen it on daytime or Saturday morning television, while walking down the junk aisles at the local MegaMart, or window shopping at the Olympian Galleria. You know exactly what I am talking about. The newest merchandising gimmick from our friends at Sabo Entertainment--the Perseus Ranger® Action Figures.

The Perseus Ranger Action Figure Merchandising Department, taking up a office complex the size of the Acropolis in Greece, continually devises new ways to sell the Perseus Ranger Action Figure Image to all of the parents of Junior Perseus Rangers out there. There's the Perseus Ranger lunchbox, the Perseus Ranger plastic dish set (imported from North Africa, where petroleum grows), the Collectible Perseus Ranger China Set, the Perseus Ranger Nighttime Toga, the Perseus Ranger Slippers, and, of course the complete line of Perseus Ranger Action Figures and Action Figure Accessories consisting of the six Perseus Rangers in each of their six daytime outfits, six disguise outfits, and six crime-fighting outfits. Perseus the doll, Perseus the candlestick, Perseus the flame thrower (the kids love this one!) The list goes on and on...

Even worse is the idea behing the Perseus Ranger Action Figure. These marketing people grasp any idea that has the potential to make them money! Perseus was no hero, and should not be glamorized to our children as the perfect person! Have you seen the horrible images depicted on the Perseus Rangers after-school television show? Perseus and his sidekicks are, quite frankly, a bunch of violent bumbling idiots who like to make trouble! Here's the plot of one episode:

Perseus' evil stepfather really dislikes Perseus and invites him to his wedding. Perseus is a very cultured individual and has never been to a wedding before, so he does not know to bring a wedding gift and his stepfather doesn't tell him. So Perseus shows up giftless, is really embarrased, thinks with something other than his head, and declares to bring in the head of Medusa as a gift! His stepfather is delighted.

Now Perseus teams up with the other Perseus Rangers, each wearing their individual easily identifiable trademarked Spandex® flightsuits, and wreak havoc all across the Mediterranean. They abuse the sight-challenged Gray Women, they tease the burden-challenged Atlas, and then kill the looks-challenged Medusa. Then our heroes return and kill, on after-school children's television, Perseus' evil stepfather. Talk about tolerance! All of this killing and gruesome graphic detail is depicted visually!

The Perseus Rangers are not fit to be role models for our children, yet the Persues Ranger Action Figure Marketing Department constantly bombards us with their latest merchandising scheme. Not to worry, the cause against Perseus has been taken up by ACAFC and will soon be facing boycots and citizen demonstrations and riots.

What's sad about this development is the degredation of our society. When I was a boy, I had to walk nine miles just to get to the chariot-stop! But we had heroes to look up to, unlike today's modern society. Today's heroes are full of hot air, while real heroes go unnoticed.

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