Mt. Olympus Not Available For Comment
OLYMPUS (MP)--A class action lawsuit has been filed by two local women
demanding restitution for their losses incurred when abducted from happy
home by Zeus, king of gods and men. Europa, 36, and Io, a 29 year old
white heifer, allege that Mr. Zeus blatently disregarded the consequences
to them when he forgot his previous marriage and approached them
insistent upon a relationship in seperate incidents.
"That beast," stated Io, "took away my entire life." Zeus had fallen in
love with her and appeared on the earth cloaked in a thick cloud. His
wife, Hera, recalls the event. "As soon as he left Olympus in that cloud
I knew that he was wandering again. So I went down to Earth to stop him."
Upon observing Hera's approach, Zeus used his magical powers to turn
princess Io into a small white heifer. "Ever since that fateful day,
I have been a cow," Io said. "I have been watched by a hundred-eyed
beast, listened to by a hundred-eared beast, smelled by a hundred-nosed
monster, and to top it all off chased by a stinging gad-fly!"
Princess Europa's predicament is similar. "One bright morning I was out
in the royal gardens smelling the flowers," she recalls. "I noticed this
handsome, well behaved boar standing over in the next row. I went up to
pet it, and it reached out, snatched me, and took off across the ocean!"
Europa ended up in Crete and bore two children, Minos and Rhadamanthus,
to the god in disguise. "I know that that was Zeus," Europa declares.
"He said so."
Zeus was not available for comment, although Mrs. Hera Zeus stated that
"Zeus wander about earth snatching women? Over my dead body!"
The two women's class action lawsuit charges that Zeus, king of gods and
men, has disregarded the well-being of the women he has abducted and
sought relationships with. If you believe that you have been unjustly
persecuted by or because of a relationship with Zeus, please mail the
Olympian Supreme Court First District Prosecutor's Office using the form below.
Please note that filing an illegitimate complaint constitutes contempt
of court and is a felony under Olympian Code Section 1.1 Section III.
Don't forget that immortals can trace anonymous Internet requests.
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