THE ANSWERS TO LIFE, THE UNIVERSE, AND EVERYTHING
Book Publication Has Civilization Abuzz With Criticism


ATHENS (MP)--No event in the history of Civilization as we know it has been more controversial than the recent publishing of Olon Coluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters, including: Life, The Universe, and Everything, Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes, and Who Is This God Person Anyway? The following reprint from the first book on the origin of the world gives a taste of the cause of the controversy:

I will recite for you the traditional Greek legend of creation:
In the beginning, there was Chaos. The Universe looked at Chaos and didn't like it, not one little bit. So out of this Chaos came Darkness of Night and Darkness of Death. But the Universe still wasn't happy, because all of this darkness was depressing. From Darkness came Love, and this was better, but the Universe knew that it could do more. Light and Day were born next, which really shed some light on the situation. Then, all of a sudden, the Earth was born out of a burst of creative insight on the part of the Universe.

This story can be considered the biggest hoax of all time. I seriously believe that this story of creation was created by several undergraduate students attending the University of Athens. In fact, I think that 2000 years from now this story will be the first chapter of a book on Greek Mythology--that's right--MYTHOLOGY! You would have to be a complete idiot to believe this.

Coluphid goes into further detail about what he believes the Universe was created from--nothing, and gives a very long, complicated, algebraic proof. Dr. Mike Smith of the University of Western Civilization at Athens was not available for comment although it is rumored that his department is working on reproducing the methods involved.

The third book, Some of God's Greatest Mistakes, describes the great flood as the first of many blunders by The Big Guy:

The men of the earth had discovered that there was really no reason to sacrifice animals and other worldly posessions to Zeus, the king of the gods. After all, the gods were inherently immortal and nothing could remove that status from them, so the people reasoned that the gods could get along without them. Zeus did not like this idea, but his wife Hera saw nothing wrong with it. "Zeus," she said, "why make those poor creatures burn perfectly fine animals just so you can watch the flames?" Zeus, of course, was not pleased. He decided that the best thing to do was forget about it, so he traveled down to Atlantis for a relaxing weekend at the beach. Hera, however, knew what he was up to and booked every hotel room for the Olympians and the rest of the family. Angry, Zeus stormed back up to heaven and sat around fuming for several days. His anger grew cumulative and he finally went completely crazy. In a raging fury he ordered torrential rains and tidal waves to drown the Earth and everything on it. The other gods tried to restrain him, but none could keep back the wrath of almighty Zeus. None, except for Prometheus, who warned two humans to hide in a small wooden crate--don't ask me why--until the flood was over. When Zeus regained control he saw what he had done and was very depressed and even more embarrased. What is the king of gods and men doing losing control over some petty issue like sacrifices? He knew that if the truth were to be known, people everywhere would look to Mesopotamia instead of Olympus for religion and had Apollo, the god of Public Relations, submit a press release detailing the exact cause of the flood as punishment for, and I quote, "man's wickedness." The flood was Zeus' first big mistake and definitely not his last.


The Editor of Mediterranean Weekly on the World Wide Web would like your opinion on this issue. Please use the form provided below to submit your questions, comments, and concerns regarding Olon Coluphid's recent series of philosophical books.
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